About the book
This book primarily draws from the experience of the mode and manner of training killer whales for a spectacular show at Seaworld, Orlando.
The training process thrives on the power of building positive relationships. The author has culled out these tips and tricks in a short and crisp read with a plethora of examples of how we can apply these in not only our professional relationships, but also personal relationships or rather any relationships that we wish to build.
Who is it for
For those who wish to build meaningful relationships of any kind and definitely for those who lack patience to read thicker books
Key takeaways
1. Building Trust:(Welcoming new employees into the office) : A parallel has been drawn with the new whales and how they are welcomed within the unfamiliar environment. There is no attempt to train the whales at the outset. All the trainers do is to ensure that their basic needs are catered for. For the rest, the trainers only object is to build trust amongst their newest members. Over time, once the killer whales lose their sense of fear in the new surroundings, the positive vibes between them and the trainers are fortified. And this is what transcends into the spectacular show that the audiences rave about for times to come.
2. What do you do to build trust – The simplest tool to build trust is to accentuate the positive and not the negative. Just make a concerted effort to ignore what is done wrong and immediately redirect the behaviour elsewhere. The more attention you pay to a behaviour, the more it will be repeated.
The killer whales are a wonderful example of this simplistic formula. By giving lots of attention to what they do right, they do the right thing more often. Whether its a human or an animal, each has unlimited capacities for development and accomplishments.
If at any point in time, the response from the other isn’t what we would desire. The first level of introspection needs to begin from us. The human tendency makes us flip this onto the other. So it is key to remember that, we must start with ourselves.
3. What is it that the other truly desires: what food is for whales, may possibly be money for humans. However, it is pertinent to explore what truly drives the other. Assumptions can often lead to wrong conclusions. Practically speaking, the whales cannot be constantly deprived of food to ensure that in their greed for food they will perform. Similarly, whether or not money is the driver for another or rather the only driver for another is something that needs to be figured.
4. The ABC of performance
A = activator. Whatever gets performance going. For instance, activators are our goals that aspire us to move forth in a particular direction.
B = behavior. The performance that occurs once the activators are in place. It is crucial to observe the behavior that follows once the goals are in place. Observing the behavior that occurs after initial activation is paramount.
C = consequence. The response to the performance. In other words, what actually transpires after you get the behavior you are looking for.
There are four kinds of consequences:
No response
Negative response
Redirection
Positive response
The first 2 are self explanatory. Redirection is the most effective way to address undesirable behavior. It is the best way to turn countless low morale situations around. Step by step guide to a “Redirection response”:
Describe the error or problem as soon as possible, clearly and without blame.
Show its negative impact.
If appropriate take the blame for not making the task clear.
Go over the task in detail and make sure it is clearly understood.
Express your continuing trust and confidence in the person.
5. Praise progress: Progress is a moving target. Don’t wait for the big wins to come by. Doing something better, no matter how small it maybe, needs to be constantly noticed, acknowledged and rewarded. Catching people doing things better, if not exactly right and treat progress. That way you set them up for success and build from there.
6. Catch people doing the right things: Catching people doing things wrong is easy. Then you can look smart by pointing out their mistakes. Catching people doing right things is what the author calls the WHALE DONE response. You have to change what you’re looking for. Your search for something done well may require greater effort but it has far greater payoffs in generating the kind of behavior you want, from your people at work and from your kids at home.
Praise people immediately. Be specific about what they did right or almost right. Share positive feelings about what they did. Encourage them to keep up the good work. If you make a conscious effort to emphasize the positive in all relationships, eventually it will become a habit.
And at times when one has to specify about the behavior that needs correction, then it needs to be done in a manner that the other side understands that its the behavior and not them that is unacceptable or needs redirection. It is very important to separate the person from the behavior.
7.Thinking of a relationship as being like a bank account. It helps if you have positivity points in that relationship bank i.e. if you’ve previously been giving that person a lot of whale done responses, then he or she won’t mind the correction. The whale done responses creates a constructive cycle.
8.The point of good management: is to influence people to do the right thing when you are not around.
Instead of building dependency on others for a reward, we want people to do the right thing because they themselves enjoy it. Whale done responses help people become self motivating. It is the lead up to the ultimate goal of helping people catch themselves doing the right thing. It is great to have a position of power, but do not use instead be positive with people and you will get positive results.
Never assume you know what motivates a person.
9.How to use Whale Done Responses in relationships: If your partner attempts to change, you don’t notice the progress. Instead, you start yelling at each other even for the little things. The final demise of a love relationship is when you do something right and you still get yelled at because you didn’t do it right enough.
We need to commit to making a relationship successful and not just try. Trying is just a noisy way of not doing something.
If you are just trying – no one will be honest because the relationship is still on trial. Once a commitment is made to relationship, you can take on any problem or issue without fear that something you will say will end it all. You are both committed to your commitment.